I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
