I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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