I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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