Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
