I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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