Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
