The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
