Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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