omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I love you.
Bad choice
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