She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
