i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
