She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
