so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
