I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
