First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
