i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Randomize
