I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
