maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
