Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
