sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
