feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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