if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
