whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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