some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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