I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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