You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
