i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
