it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
