Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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