kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
