Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
