boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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