well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
