I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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