Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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