The maid of honor just puked.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
