My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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