Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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