I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
My dick has a subreddit
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
