people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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