I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
