I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Mom said you looked used
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
