i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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