You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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