When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
