After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
