Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
