I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
