I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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