this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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