She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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